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Help your teen be smart about social media

Netflix’s The Tinder Swindler has made many of us aware of just how cunning tricksters can be and how they use online and social media platforms, from Facebook to WhatsApp, to set their traps. If adults are so easily deceived, just imagine the risks teens are facing online.

Risky business

Just like learning to drive or thinking responsibly about alcohol, so your teen needs to learn how to use social media sensibly. That’s the advice of Dean McCoubrey, the founder of Cape Town-based digital safety programme, MySociaLife.

If your teen doesn’t approach social media with open eyes, they could run into these pitfalls:

  • Online predators: Did you know that more than 50% of their victims are between the ages of 12 and 15? That’s why it’s so important to keep the settings on social media platforms switched to private. Something as innocent as posting a picture in school uniform or at a well-known hangout offers easy clues to the wrong people. Some apps are even set to share your physical location – you can imagine the risk in that.
  • Cyberbullies: Sadly, online bullying is a fact of life these days. Several studies in recent years have shown South Africa has rated in the top five in the world for cyberbullying. Posting, chatting and sharing online can make your teen an easy target – often, cyberbullies hide behind the anonymity of a keyboard.
  • Reputation damage: What’s the first thing we do when we need to find out more about a love interest or new neighbour? Jump online to look them up on social media, right? Well, workplaces and university admissions officers do the same. Silly and thoughtless comments posted on social media can come back to haunt a young person. Even when a teen thinks something has been deleted, it can be impossible to completely erase it from the internet – it can still be stored on other servers or websites, people could have taken screenshots of it, and private accounts can be hacked. Inappropriate remarks also don’t just live online. Posts that are insulting or include hate speech can land you in trouble with the law.

Staying safe

Not using social media isn’t the solution. It’s one of the main means for teens to stay in touch and preventing your child from using it could create more problems than it solves. Rather, teach your teen to follow these guidelines:

Stay private
Go through their privacy settings with them on all social media platforms and ensure all their content is private and only visible to friends, says Dean.

Do the front yard test
Everything posted on social media should pass the front yard test. If you wouldn’t put it on a large sign in the front yard, don’t post it. Even innocent comments or jokes can be taken the wrong way – especially in online discussion groups where people have a measure of anonymity. The backlash can lead to bullying and problems with peers, teachers and even future bosses. Before posting anything, take a breather to ensure your post is courteous and calm.

Stick to real friends
Predators, bullies and trolls create legitimate-looking profiles to lure their victims into a false sense of security. If you don’t know them, don’t friend them. It’s that simple.

Find balance
Spending too much time on social media can be a downer, because it’s human nature to compare ourselves with others. What’s more, everyone only puts their best foot forward on social media, says Dean. Teach your kids to be aware of how social media makes them feel and to take a break from it if needed.

Follow your kids

Yes, it’s possible to hide certain posts from all your ‘followers’ or online ‘friends’ but knowing that mom might see their content will make a teen think twice about what they post. That doesn’t mean you should helicopter-parent every part of their lives, but if you do happen to see something inappropriate or unsafe, it’s an opportunity to educate. Your teen simply may not be aware of the dangers certain posts create.

It just takes a little time and attention to put in place all the preventative measures to keep your teen safe while they enjoy all the benefits of social media. Stay safe while staying connected!

References

  • Comparitech
  • KidsHealth
  • MySociaLife
  • Pew Research Center
  • Smart Social

How do I know if my teenager is an addict?

We usually think of addiction as something extreme; associated with drugs, alcohol or substances, but you can become addicted to many different things.

For many years experts believed that only alcohol and certain drugs could lead to addiction. But recent research suggests that seemingly harmless activities like eating, social media, video games, sex, and even working, can become objects of addiction.

How an addiction is established

Some of us are more prone to addiction than others. Genetics, psychology, upbringing and various factors play a role. The first phase is where your body develops a tolerance and an affinity for that substance.

Let’s take smoking as an example:

  1. You’ve been having a hard day, so you step outside and light up a cigarette.
  2. The nicotine reaches your brain in no time and the feel-good hormone, dopamine, floods your brain.
  3. Soon, smoking becomes associated with pleasure and you find yourself having more smoke breaks throughout the day.
  4. Your brain records that smoking is enjoyable and helps you to destress. Imagine a little tick-box of approval going off in your brain when you smoke.
  5. Every time you feel stressed your brain goes back to the tick-box: it remembers how the cigarette released dopamine, and how you felt better. Now it wants you to get it back: addiction is formed. 

Why would my teenager use drugs?

Kids don’t just take drugs without reason. They don’t simply fall into addictive behaviour. Just like the example of smoking, teenagers often use drugs to soothe stress, anxiety, or mood-swings. They can also be pressured by their peers into experimenting with substances.

Our teenage years are critical in forming social bonds and establishing our own identity. The approval and support of friends become the main focus of our attention. To keep these friendships and feel ‘with-it’, many teenagers may use substances to feel accepted – even if they don’t necessarily want to.

What signs can I look out for?

  • More withdrawn or depressed than usual.
  • A loss of motivation
  • Uncommunicative
  • Outbursts of anger
  • Behaving in ways that seem secretive
  • Acting out more than usual
  • Mood-swings that seem strange
  • Disappearing for long periods of time
  • Secretive use of their phone
  • Avoiding eye-contact
  • Irregular sleep-pattern

What can I do as a parent?

It’s important to recognise that your child won’t be using drugs unless there is some other motive: either peer-pressure, curiosity, or as a way to cope with challenging emotions. Bringing understanding into the conversation is key in order to let them know you are on their side. They may already feel conflicted about their use and adding judgement to the equation will just push them away.

Here are some common mistakes to avoid:

  1. Don’t ignore any mental health challenges.

It cannot be stressed enough: drug-use is often a way of coping with mental health challenges; like anxiety, depression, eating disorders or ADHD. If you suspect drug-use always ask yourself: “Is there perhaps a mental health challenge for which my child needs help?”

  1. Not being honest about your own drug use

As a parent, you may feel the need to keep up appearances: to pretend that you never had any experimental phases. If you do have any history of drug use – even just substances like cigarettes – it’s useful to tell your child. It’s easier for them to trust you if you’re honest and if you share some of your personal experience. They will feel less judged and more supported.

  1. Don’t blame yourself or your spouse

It’s hard to shake the guilt we feel as parents. Everything our child does feels like a reflection of our parenting. Don’t let this false guilt interfere with your parenting: there is no such thing as a perfect parent. And even the most exemplary parenting doesn’t mean your child won’t use drugs. Instead of focusing on guilt and blame think about how you can work together as a team.

  1. Don’t confuse intelligence for maturity

The prefrontal cortex in our brain is responsible for judgement and responsibility. This part of the brain doesn’t fully develop until our mid-20s. So, even if your child gets straight A’s and wins every academic competition, their brain can still make big mistakes when it comes to responsibility and maturity. Which means you shouldn’t use the line: “How could you do this? You’re so smart!?” They may be smart, but they’re still young and immature.

  1. Don’t delay getting help.

It’s hard to admit you have a problem. It may be even harder to admit that your child may have a problem. Thoughts like “What did I do wrong!?” or “It can’t be – she’s such a smart kid!” or “They would never do this to me!” may be crossing your mind. But don’t let your ego, your fear, your guilt, or naivety get in the way. If there is a risk that your child may be using drugs intervention needs to happen sooner, not later.

The road to recovery

Breaking an addiction is tough, but it is possible. There’s no overnight fix, but it is possible. Get ready for a journey that will have a lot of up-hills, but also many opportunities to deepen your relationship. This is not just a downward spiral: it can be a significant opportunity to bring your family closer together.

  1. Ask for help!

You can find it supportive to spend time with parents who also have child addicts. Your child may also need support, either with a support-group, or in a treatment centre. Create a routine that works for your child where the way the family relates together provides a safe, supportive environment for your child’s recovery.

  1. Detox first

If your child is addicted, they will first need to get rid of their chemical addiction. This means that rehab may be required. Contact a local drug-rehab clinic to find out about the process

  1. Therapy is for the family

Since such a big part of addiction comes down to environmental and emotional support, you’ll need to be ready for some family-therapy. Getting the whole family through a counselling process, will give you an opportunity to discover how you can best support your teenager. They will not be able to heal by themselves.

  1. Creating a safe environment

Your child’s home-environment will be critical for healing. You will need to remove any distracting temptations from your child’s environment: alcohol, pornography, or by locking away medications that your child might get into.

  1. Celebrate milestones

Once your teenager is on the track of recovery, they will need a lot of encouragement. It may seem easy from outside but achieving sobriety can feel like climbing an internal mountain. Be their cheerleader & supporter, not their judge and jury.

Where do I turn to?

If you need help on how to proceed, reach out to Rehab-prevention, or call them on 079 235 7415. Alternatively, you can also reach out to WeDoRecover, or call them on 081 444 7000.

This journey may not be easy; not for you nor your teenager. Whilst the first step is the hardest, there is great support available to live a long, sober life! Don’t delay.

References:

How to know if your teen is depressed or suicidal

In 2012, public health in Oregon found that suicide rates pickup in January, after going down over December, and climb even more into February. That suggests that, perhaps, people who are depressed and feeling suicidal, may be postponing it over the festive season.

As parents, it can be scary to even think about it. So when do you take the moodiness of your teenagers seriously, and how can you help them?

What’s the Difference between Adult and Teen Depression?

Depression in teens can look very different from depression in adults, and some of the most common symptoms of teen depression include:

  • Irritability, rather than sadness. A depressed teenager may be grumpy, hostile, easily frustrated, or prone to angry outbursts.
  • Depressed teens often complain about physical aches and pains – if your GP can’t find a medical cause, then these symptoms could indicate depression.
  • Depressed teens often suffer from feelings of worthlessness, making them extremely vulnerable to criticism, rejection, and failure. Over-achievers are particularly vulnerable
  • Depressed adults often isolate themselves, but teenagers usually keep up some friendships, or start spending time with a new crowd.

How Do Parents Deal With Suicide Threats?

Teens battling with serious depression often think and talk about, or make “cry-for-help attempts” at suicide. The fact that teenage depression and suicide is on the rise, any suicidal thoughts or behaviours should always be taken very seriously.

Warning Signs to Look Out For

  • Talking or joking about committing suicide
  • Saying things like “I wish I could disappear forever,” “I’d be better off dead,” or “there’s no way out”
  • Romanticising dying, such as “If I died, people might love me more”
  • Writing poems and stories about death, dying, or suicide
  • Engaging in reckless behaviour or having a lot of accidents resulting in injury
  • Giving away personal possessions, or saying goodbye to friends and family as if it’s for the last time
  • Seeking out weapons, pills, or other ways to kill themselves

What Should I Do In A Crisis?

DO broach the subject if you think someone is experiencing troubling symptoms, and don’t be afraid to ask what they’re thinking, or if they’re considering suicide. If you know their parents or family members, then make sure they understand what’s going on.

What you can say that helps:

It’s incredibly difficult to know what to say in a situation like this, but comforting, thoughtful and empathetic words can help. For example:

  • You’re not alone in this, I’m here for you
  • I understand you have a real illness, and that’s what’s causing these thoughts and feelings
  • You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change
  • I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help
  • When you want to give up, tell yourself to hold on for just one more day, hour or minute – whatever you can manage
  • You’re important to me, your life is important to me.

If Your Teen Has Attempted Suicide

  • In an acute crisis, take the person to an emergency room or walk-in clinic
  • Don’t leave the person alone until help is available
  • Remove razor blades, pills, firearms, scissors or anything else that could be used for a suicide attempt
  • If you can’t manage the above options, call your local emergency numbers.

After The Crisis

  • If a person’s been give prescription medication to take, make sure they take it exactly as prescribed
  • Report any unexpected side effects to a doctor
  • Continue to offer support after treatment has been started, and even if they’re starting to get better

Remember, you can speak to one of our doctors right now if you think your teen is suffering from depression – they’ll be able to give you the medical advice you need, and refer you if necessary.

Help your teen with depression

It’s normal for your teenager to feel sad, irritable and overly sensitive from time to time. But if these feelings don’t go away or become more intense as time goes on, they may be suffering from depression.

Teen depression is more than just moodiness; it’s a serious mental health problem that affects how your teenager thinks, feels and behaves. It can cause considerable distress at school or home, and needs to be treated – and teen depression isn’t a sign of weakness.

Recognise the signs
Depression affects teenagers and adults differently. Symptoms may include:

  • Sadness or hopelessness.
  • Irritability, restlessness or agitation.
  • Fatigue or lack of energy.
  • Trouble concentrating.
  • Poor performance at school.
  • Withdrawal from friends and family.
  • Loss of interest in activities.
  • Frequent thoughts of death or suicide.
  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits.
  • Unexplained aches and pains.

Why teens get depressed

  • Academic stress. Teens generally feel a lot of pressure to perform and succeed academically. This can lead to depression, especially if he’s overly stressed or struggling to cope with the workload.
  • Peer pressure. Teens want to be liked by their peers. To fit in, they often feel anxious to act a certain way, change things about themselves or do things they aren’t comfortable with. This can lead to a low self-esteem, unease, and depression.
  • Physical and emotional changes stemming from puberty can be difficult and confusing for some teens, and may contribute to the onset of depression.
  • Sexual orientation. Questioning your sexuality or not revealing your sexual orientation can be stressful for teens thanks to cultural stigmas and negative attitudes towards gay youth. Staying in the closet can cause anxiety and lead to depression.
  • Traumatic events. The death of a loved one, abuse or divorcing parents can be very upsetting for teens, and may cause depression and anxiety.

How to deal with it
Don’t ignore the problem. Don’t wait and hope that the symptoms will just go away. Depression can be damaging and even fatal if left untreated.

It’s important to talk it out, even if you’re not sure that depression is the issue. The behaviours and emotions you’re seeing are signs of a problem that need to be addressed. Say it right:

  • Bring up your concerns in a non-judgmental way. Mention the specific signs you’ve noticed and why you’re worried. Then, ask him to share with you what he’s going through.
  • Listen, don’t lecture. Be ready and willing to truly listen. Avoid criticising or passing judgement. Simply let him know that you’re there for him, fully and unconditionally.
  • Don’t ask too much. Teenagers don’t like feeling overwhelmed or patronised, so hold back from asking a lot of questions.
  • Consider his feelings. Never try to talk him out of depression. Make him feel understood and supported by acknowledging his pain and sadness, even if his feelings and concerns seem irrational to you.
  • Be gentle, but persistent. Don’t give up if he shuts you out. Talking about depression can be difficult. Have respect for his comfort level, while still emphasising your concern and willingness to listen.

Help at hand

If your teen won’t open up to you or claims that nothing is wrong, ask a trusted third party to step in. A close relative, school counsellor or his favourite teacher may be able to help. If you notice new or worse symptoms, suicidal gestures or attempts, or other unusual behavioural changes, see your doctor or mental health professional immediately.

References:

 

 

Prevent teen suicide!

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No matter what nervous parents might think about the annual Matric Rage in Plettenburg Bay, one great thing is emerging from news reports – teenagers are buying condoms by the crate load.

To be honest, we’re not sure they’re always being used properly, as the sales of morning-after contraception pills has also gone through the roof, but the “condomise” message has clearly been received by SA teens.

Continue reading “Condoms are all the rage in Plett”

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Leaving home to study is an exciting time for many young adults, and it’s often the first step towards independence and reaching their career goals. While many students travel to and from varsity every day, others don’t have that option, and live in a residence or house-share. Being away from home often means that ‘res’ students end up eating an unhealthy diet, with ready meals, 2-minute noodles and high-fat cafeteria food making up the bulk of their daily meals.

Continue reading “A student’s guide to healthy eating”