You’ve heard of it, but what is emotional abuse? It’s any behaviour that is designed to control you through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assaults.
Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse and constant criticism, but it can also use tactics that might be harder to spot – such as intimidation, manipulation, and refusal to ever be pleased. If this is being done to you, eventually you lose all sense of self and personal value. Just like brainwashing, over time it wears away at your self-confidence, sense of self-worth, and trust in your perceptions.
Why do abused people stay?
Victims of emotional abuse stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go, and they have so little faith in themselves, not trusting that they will be helped. Their ultimate fear is being all alone. Just like brainwashing, over time it wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, and trust in his/her perceptions.
Types of emotional abuse
- Domination. Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to receive it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
- Verbal assaults. Scolding, belittling, criticising, name-calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self-confidence and self-worth.
- Abusive expectations. The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex, or a rule that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfil all this person’s needs.
- Emotional blackmail. The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the “cold shoulder,” or use other fear tactics to control you.
- Unpredictable responses. Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts (This is part of the definition of Borderline Personality Disorder). Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behaviour from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.
Emotional abuse can leave real scars. The insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at your self-esteem until you can’t judge the situation clearly. You might become so emotionally worn down that you start to blame yourself for the abuse!
If any of this is happening to you, it’s time to speak to someone – you can call Lifeline at 082-231-0805.