When you think “confidence”, you probably picture the life of the party: someone cool, calm, smooth and suave. Then there’s you… awkward, silent and far from confident.
Introverts are described as anti-social, shy and quiet. They prefer seclusion. Although most of these traits are associated with being an introvert, introverts are still unique individuals who have their own social preferences and distinctive personality. As an introvert you might find social gatherings more draining than so-called extroverts, but it doesn’t mean that you never enjoy socialising, or that you can’t.
Due to society’s perception of what and how you should be as an introvert and your low capacity for socialising, you might lack confidence around others, but there are ways to overcome this.
Give it time
In order to feel comfortable, stand back and read the social situation before interacting. A great idea is to visit the place where the event or party will be held to get a lay of the land. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel.
Don’t compare
Comparing yourself to others is natural and most of us are guilty of it. To feel more confident and less anxious, understand that there will always be someone who will achieve more than you or someone who may not like you, or think you are good enough. That’s the nature of life. But it doesn’t mean that you need to internalise this message. Your opinion of yourself is what counts. If you constantly wonder whether you will measure up to others, you won’t feel confident enough to socialise or be yourself in company.
Banish critical thoughts
I’m too quiet. He thinks I’m ugly. I’m not good enough. Critical thinking is just as bad as someone putting you down and what’s worse, you’re doing it to yourself. Think of how someone you care for would feel if you told them the things you say about yourself in your mind. Once you stop criticising yourself, you will feel more confident. Remember that you aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable or acceptable.
Take time out
As an introvert being social can be draining, so to channel your inner social butterfly, take some time out before an event, a night out, a gathering to settle your thoughts, become comfortable and rest before diving out of your comfort zone.
Take baby steps
Just as you can’t run a marathon before you have learned to crawl, don’t join a huge social gathering on your first night out. If you are working towards feeling confident around others, try talking to one person a day and then move on to a bigger number as you go along. Slow and steady wins the race and it will also help build your confidence over time.
Shift the spotlight
One of your main social fears as an introvert might be having all eyes on you. A great way to tackle this when interacting with someone is to ask them about themselves. In this way, you seem like a great conversationalist and the spotlight is off of you.
Things to know
- Certain medications and substances (like caffeine, alcohol and nicotine) may make you more anxious, so pay attention to see if these affect you and try to avoid before socialising.
- If you look good, you feel good. Wear clothes that makes you feel comfortable and confident, get your hair or nails done, and try a new fragrance – anything for a burst of fresh confidence.
- Befriend extroverts who can help break the ice when you are still finding your way on the social scene.
References:
Commentary: Desiré Gird, Clinical Psychologist, Cape Town, 2016
https://www.verywell.com/signs-you-are-an-introvert-2795427
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201302/4-social-tips-introverts