Closure: an act or process of concluding something.
In your early, exhilarating days of being together you laughed, smiled, talked and dreamed of being together forever. Now that it’s over, you’re left with painful memories and the loss of those dreams.
This is what the end of a relationship is: a loss. And it needs to be mourned as such. Relationship closure is a big buzzword but it actually has merit.
In a breakup, closure is when you and your ex accept that your relationship is over and you both feel a sense of resolution.
The reality is…
What worked for your friend might not necessarily work for you, mostly because you had different situations. Similarly, what worked for you in past relationships might not be as helpful now, so you need to find an alternative method to deal with your present state. Every relationship is different and the time it takes for you to get closure depends a lot on how the relationship ended and if you’re still talking to your ex. You may need more or less time to heal.
In this scenario, closure can come as a conversation. However, consider taking some time after the breakup before having this type of conversation. Essentially, closure comes from within, so don’t rush the process. The main goal of speaking with your ex shouldn’t be getting back together, and don’t expect to it automatically cure the post-breakup pain. The main point of the conversation is to gain perspective on your past relationship and some insight for your future one – and the most important part of it all… closure.
Find your inner peace
When you feel ready to have that talk, contact your ex and decide on a meeting place. Your venue should be private enough that you can have an open conversation, yet still public enough that you’re not put in an uncomfortable position. For example, a coffee shop might be a good setting to speak about your relationship, but don’t choose a popular place as you might bump into someone you know. You really don’t want to be distracted in the nerve-wrecking situation at hand.
Face the music
You may want to ask why things ended the way they did. At this point, the person should have no reason to lie to you; so try to accept their truth. The fact is (and this is important): if your ex wanted to get back with you, he or she would make an effort. Don’t question how some things happen – this is a surefire way to drive yourself crazy. Be at peace with an end of a chapter, as sour and painful it may be. As the old sayings go: “When one door closes; another opens” and “There’s always light at the end of the tunnel”.
Once you feel like you’ve gained some perspective, end the conversation amicably, and go your separate ways. Keep it short, simple and above all, neutral.