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Sign up for a stress-free festive season

This is a wonderful time to be with family, have a break, and enjoy tasty food and good company. But somehow things often end up less jolly and more ‘just-let-it-be-January.’

Why is this time of year so often accompanied by skyrocketing stress, anxiety and exhaustion? For one, we can feel overwhelmed with the extra social engagements. Plus, at big gatherings we might have to face people with whom we don’t necessarily see ‘eye-to-eye.’ It’s also easy to overindulge and spend money as if we’ve won the lottery (knowing full well our accounts are redder than Rudolph the Reindeer’s nose).

If you’re wondering how to have a great year-end without all this angst, read on.

Be best friends with boundaries 

The festive season is a time of giving, but sometimes we give so much (time, energy, money) that we can no longer look after ourselves. Feel like you have to partake in all the family events or get gifts for everyone? Worried about being saddled with all the meal prep? Setting boundaries will help you navigate these stressful situations.

In a nutshell, says American research professor and author of Dare to Lead, BrenĂ© Brown, “A ‘boundary’ is simply what’s ok and what’s not ok.” And that’s something you decide for yourself. Identify what’s important to you over the festive season and what your limits are, then set boundaries from there. Work out in advance what you are comfortable with in terms of:

  • Where you spend your time
  • Who and what you prioritise
  • How much money you spend
  • What and how much you eat and drink
  • Which holiday traditions you keep

It’s important to let go of guilt. Remember, having boundaries doesn’t mean that you don’t care about others. Healthy boundaries enable you to care for others and yourself.

Defuse festive season stress further with these strategies:

  1. Gift wisely. Festive gifting sounds fun but can be emotionally draining and cause serious financial strain. Does everyone really need an individual gift? A way around this is for each person to draw one name and buy only that person a gift of a certain value. Parents could club together to get teachers gift vouchers, while families could buy gifts for the children only. Try a gift-list app to help you keep track of spending, like Christmas Gift List Tracker for iPhone or Christmas Gift List for Android.
  2. Jingle all the way (to the bank). Hosting a fancy dinner, splurging on a holiday, a night on the town or a shopping spree can make a dent in your financial freedom. Set a budget before you get sucked into all the holly jolly. Find ways to stick to your budget. For example, rather than catering the get-together in full, ask everyone to bring a dish and drinks. Take your evening-out budget in cash and, once that’s spent, it’s time to go home.
  3. ’Tis the season to be healthy. The temptation to overindulge is real. But you don’t have to forgo your seasonal delights – just make sure the rest of what you eat that day is healthy. Avoid skipping meals “to make up for the splurge” and stick to small portions of the treats. Leave the sherry for Santa and choose refreshing mocktails. And get moving with a walk on the beach or a game of frisbee. There’s a strong link between exercise and stress reduction.
  4. Be summer safe. With our year-end weather being sunny side up, it’s important to take steps so you don’t end up with heat exhaustion or even permanent skin damage. Keep hydrated (with water, that is – alcohol makes you more dehydrated) and follow the Australian slogan of “Slip-Slop-Slap”: slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen, and slap on a hat. Avoid the sun at the hottest times of the day (10h00–15h00).

So, set those boundaries and stick to them – it’s the best gift you can give yourself and everyone around you.

Quiz: Check your festive season stress levels

References

Say NO. And don’t feel bad about it

With just 2 letters to its name, the word NO is so simple and easy, yet it can be a surprisingly difficult word to say out loud. The truth is, saying NO does not have to be hard, or make you feel guilty, especially when you’re saying it for the sake of your health.

No-one can argue that life isn’t overwhelming at the moment. In addition to worrying about COVID-19, there are all those other “normal” things that cause stress. The deadlines, the commitments, the financial worries, the family responsibilities
 and the list goes on. If your plate is piled high with obligations and you’re feeling as though there simply aren’t enough hours in the day, it might be time to start exercising your right to say NO.

Why say no?

“Saying no can be the ultimate self-care”- Claudia Black

It’s true that saying no is hard, but as you start saying no more often, you also start to reclaim your rights for well-being: confidence, time, control, respect and energy. Knowing why, how and when to say no can help safeguard you from overextending both your physical and emotional boundaries.

Say NO to: COVID
Say YES to: putting yourself and your loved ones first. Turning down an invitation to a big get together increases the risk of COVID-19 transmission. Let go of the FOMO (fear of missing out) and look at the bigger picture – your health!

Say NO to: spreading yourself too thin
Say YES to: honouring your existing obligations and ensuring that you’ll be able to devote high-quality time to them

Say NO to: doing the same old thing you’ve done for years
Say YES to: the opportunity to try new things

Say NO to: being overcommitted
Say YES to: less stress and a lower risk of burn out

How to say no

It’s important to be able to say no so you feel empowered while still maintaining your relationships with others. Saying no helps you establish healthy boundaries and enables others to have clarity about what they can expect from you.

These guidelines can help you to express your feelings in a considered way:

  1. Use the actual word ‘NO”. Be careful about using substitutes such as “I’m not sure” or “I don’t think I can.” These can be interpreted to mean that you might say yes later.
  2. Be quick. Tell the person you can’t do it, and politely decline straight away so that you don’t hold up anyone else’s plans.
  3. Be honest Explain that you have other commitments and can’t make it.
  4. Suggest an alternative. Name another person who might be able to take your place.
  5. Ask for a rain check. Plan for the future so you still show good faith.
  6. Be ready to repeat. You may need to refuse a request several times before the other person accepts your response. When that happens, just hit the replay button and calmly repeat your no

When to say no

Sometimes it can be hard to know what deserves your time and attention and what doesn’t. Use these strategies to evaluate those obligations (and opportunities) that come your way:

  • Focus on what matters most. Is this something you feel strongly about? Is yes, do it, if no, take a pass!
  • Weigh the yes-to-stress ratio. Is the new activity you’re considering a short- or long-term commitment? Don’t say yes if it will mean months of added stress.
  • Take guilt out of the equation. Don’t agree to a request you would rather decline out of guilt or obligation. Doing so will likely lead to additional stress and resentment.
  • Sleep on it. Before you respond, take a day to think about the request and how it fits in with your current commitments. If you can’t sleep on it, at least take the time to think the request through before answering.

Every time you say no to something, you are simultaneously saying yes to something else! Respectfully declining to attend something that would have taken time means you just said yes to using your time for something you’d prefer. This could mean more sleep, getting some exercise, a home cooked meal or time with loved ones. Setting healthy boundaries will help you have the physical and emotional reserve to continue to care for others, without losing yourself in the process.