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Tips for a kinder festive season

It’s been a stressful year. In fact, it’s been a stressful two years! As we head into the holiday season, it’s important to take the time to not only reflect on a turbulent 2021, but also to focus on finding ways to slow down. Christmas decorations, shopping madness, carols on repeat, and general end-of-year craziness, can take their toll, often leaving you feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Here are some ideas on how to stay grounded these holidays so that you can get the rest you need, before taking on the new year ahead.

  1. Be mindful

Mindfulness is about bringing your attention to the present moment with an element of non-judgment and acceptance. Being mindful is when you notice that you are get caught up in thoughts about the past, or the future, and returning your attention to the present — the only reality. This is so important at a time when emotions can run high. You can practice mindfulness by:

    • observing your breathing and consciously focussing on lowering your stress response
    • going for a walk in nature and noticing the small details that you ordinarily wouldn’t
    • starting a journal to reflect on your thoughts and feelings in a safe way
    • connecting more with people and your surroundings, and less with technology.
  1. Be still

Finding calm in a world of chaos can be a tall order, but your mental health has never needed it more. The constant overload of news, work and social media can often lead to anxiety, fear and depression. While you can’t always tap out of life and avoid these things altogether, you can approach them in a calmer way. Ways you can do this:

    • Listen to music, which calms the activity in your brain. Listen closely – the more you notice, the less your mind will race.
    • Go outside. Being in nature is a natural mood booster and can also lower stress.
    • Get creative. Simple, repetitive actions (e.g. kneading dough) can help you redirect your thoughts and tune out the chatter in your head.
  1. Be kind

It’s the season of giving, so this year, why not focus on giving kindness. Committing an act of kindness activates the ‘reward’ area of your brain, which means that you will feel good by doing good for others! There are lots of little acts of kindness you could do:

    • Say hello to someone as you pass them in the streets or in the mall.
    • If you see someone in the line at the till buying a single item, why not offer to pay for it.
    • Return your shopping trolley.
    • Support local by buying gifts from a local designer or shop.
    • Volunteer your time at a local charity.
    • Make it a point to help lift others up.
    • Put away your phone.
    • Be patient.
    • Think about what others may be feeling, and allow them to express themselves however they prefer.

But most importantly, be kind to YOURSELF. Only you will know what kindness you need most. Maybe it’s a massage, an evening at home with popcorn and a good book, a swim in the sea, or a luxurious bath instead of a rushed shower. Changing your self-talk is also a lasting gift you can offer yourself. If you find that you’re saying things about your looks or abilities that you would never say to anyone else, stop immediately. Replace the ‘abuse’ with a reminder that, like everyone else, you’re a work in progress, and you’re doing your best. Forgiveness is another great gift to yourself. Letting go of regrets and self-blame make us feel lighter and better able to appreciate all that we have.

No matter how you feel about the holidays, injecting some extra kindness is a great way to make the season more restful, more joyful, and to start a new year on a positive note. The world needs more kindness. Spread what you can!

References

  1. WebMD: How to quiet your mind.
  2. Headspace: 6 ways to practise mindfulness.
  3. Johns Hopkins Medicine: 4 mindful tips to de-stress this holiday season.

Are you degrading women, without realising it?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are worse than poison.”

Your voice matters | Your words matter.

Those 20 000 women who marched to the Union Buildings on 8 August 1956, protesting against apartheid, knew this to be true. Thanks to them, and countless other voices, we now live in a world where there is more equality and freedom than 50 years ago. Thanks to these women who understood the power of their voice, and the power of their words.

But the opposite is also true. Most of the on-going experience of sexism, racism and other forms of prejudice is sourced in unconscious responses. We don’t even realise how our voice and our words affect others. Here are some important pointers to help you be more responsible with your speech.

  1. A single “No” should be enough.

It’s a classic scenario: a man hits on the woman in a bar. She kindly declines. The man assumes “she is playing hard-to-get”. She makes it clear that she is not interested and that he should please stop harassing her. The man says “she’s feisty”, so tries another angle.

This image is still so familiar, playing out countless times in countless situations: both in real life, and on TV. But it’s surely time for this to change.

When a woman says ‘no’, she obviously means ‘no’. This applies to the bedroom, the kitchen, the bar, at work, at home, on the street – everywhere.

Just imagine a waiter asking you if you’d like a drink, and you say, “No, thank you.” The next thing you know, the waiter starts behaving like this man at the bar – calling you feisty, hard-to-get, leaning in and trying to twist your arm to order a drink. At best, you’d find it annoying, at worst it would feel like harassment.

When women say, “No, thank you.”, it means the exact same thing as when men say “No, thank you.” So treat them accordingly.

  1. Watch out for those sneaky sexist comments

“You run like a girl”; “You throw like a girl”; “You’re such a girl”; “It’s because women can’t drive”; “Is it that time of the month again?”; “You’re becoming hysterical”.

These are a few examples of how, unwittingly, our words can degrade women. They’ve crept into our language, implying that someone is ‘less than a man’. Even if not directed at them, using female descriptions as an ‘insult’ reinforces the idea of male superiority.

  1. Call out others, with kindness

“It’s just a joke!”

The reason that sexism, racism and all other forms of prejudice persist, is that we don’t take it seriously. When we justify saying hurtful things, by claiming we were just joking, we are not taking responsibility. And, that includes failing to call each other out on it. Sadly, many men, and even women, might not even be aware that they are making sexist comments and essentially behaving shamefully towards women. When someone makes a sexist comment, it takes courage to call them out with kindness.

Shaming someone in public will only make them defensive and decrease the chance of them changing their behaviour. Rather, take them aside and help them understand their behaviour. Something like:
“Hey, John. I just wanted to tell you that the comment you made earlier about women driving badly is quite sexist. I’m sure you don’t mean badly, but I’d appreciate if you don’t make these kinds of comments in future.”

  1. Address women by their name – not your pet-name

“I’m not your ‘girl’, ‘honey’, ‘dear’, ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’.”

Unless it’s your romantic partner, and she likes her pet-name, don’t address a woman by some pet-name. Treating women like pets, property, or romantic partners, is another nasty way our language degrades. Imagine doing the exact same with a man; you’ll soon realise just how inappropriate it is.

  1. Cultivate respect for women beyond their ‘feminine’ qualities

Women are often praised for their beauty, their looks, their finesse, style, elegance and bodies. Although these qualities aren’t bad in themselves, unfortunately many people limit their value of women to these superficial qualities. When women are only recognised for their physical attributes, rather than their deeper qualities, their strength, intelligence, resilience, success, dignity, and simply their humanity, is diminished.

When you interact with women in the workplace or elsewhere, notice their non-physical attributes, and make a point of recognising and acknowledging these publicly.

Resources:

  • www.abc.net.au: Words you should avoid using about women in the workplace
  • www.bustle.com: 7 Sneaky ways internalised misogyny manifests in our everyday lives

HIV/Aids: How we are winning against this disease

We’ve come a long way since HIV/Aids first showed up in South Africa in 1982. Unfortunately, due to a complex political history, we only really started addressing the problem in the mid-90s when South Africa already had the largest population of HIV-positive people in the world.

HIV is not yet under control. Infections are still on the rise in young people, and many who have the disease, don’t take medication. Despite this, it’s important for us to look at the progress we’ve made, and remind ourselves that although the battle is tough, there still is hope.

What we have accomplished so far

  • Mother-to-child transmissions (where HIV-positive moms infect their new-borns) dropped from 8% in 2008 to 2% in 2012, and the number of children who are HIV positive has dropped by 20%. This is thanks to well-monitored antenatal programmes.
  • 92% of people living with HIV now know their status and 70% of people with HIV are receiving treatment.
  • 64% of people who are HIV positive, are virally suppressed – which means the treatment is helping them live normal, healthy lives.
  • We are the first country in sub-Saharan Africa to approve PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis), which is medication taken to prevent getting HIV, particularly for people who are at risk of exposure, such as healthcare workers, people with multiple sex partners or drug abusers (by injection).
  • South Africa has the largest antiretroviral treatment (ART) programme in the world, offering treatment to HIV-positive patients. Thanks to some success in these programmes, we have seen a decline in new infections for pregnant women, as well as young adults aged 15 to 24.

What we still need to do

Nevertheless, HIV infection is still on the rise in our country, especially among adults over 25. In addition, many young people still don’t have enough knowledge on how to prevent the spread of HIV, especially those who are uninformed or living in rural locations.

What you can do to help 

  1. Know your status
    If you haven’t been tested yet, do so today. We all need to know our HIV status and we need to get checked regularly.
  1. Abstain
    Try to avoid a sexual relationship, unless you are sure that you can have safe, protected sex with a single partner. There are also safer alternatives to getting intimate without having sexual intercourse.
  1. Always practice and promote safe sex
    Unless you are in a committed relationship where you only have sex with one person, and you are sure that person is faithful, you should always practice safe sex. With multiple partners, you are at higher risk of getting HIV. The use of condoms is the best option to protect you against HIV. Visit your GP or local clinic to find out more about prevention.
  1. Support HIV-awareness organisations
    There are several NGOs and organisations helping to spread the word and educate people on HIV/Aids. Here are a few organisations you can support by joining their campaigns, giving financial support, or volunteering:

Even though World Aids Day is commemorated on 1 December, you can get involved with spreading awareness anytime of the year. Visit https://www.worldaidsday.org/ to find out more.

Resources: