love and relationship – Page 2

Six stress-free holiday hacks to give you peace of mind

December 18th, 2019 by The Hello Doctor Team

Tis’ the season of delicious food, relaxation and bonding with your loved ones. Unfortunately, it’s also the season of dealing with your grumpy uncle’s complaints about your cooking, trying to make your budget stretch and cleaning up after many people. Before you get your fairy lights twisted in a knot, here are a few holiday hacks to help you out.

That’s a wrap

If you have a big family and tons of friends, gift wrap could become more expensive than the actual gifts. You’re probably tempted to buy specific wrapping for each person and cute gift bags, but it’s really a waste because most people just rip the paper off anyway. Instead of splashing out on pricey wrapping paper, get a large roll of brown paper to wrap the gifts with and finish off with a bow made of string. It’s chic and minimalist, and your budget will thank you.

Be kind to your pockets

It’s tempting to splurge on fun, fancy and fantastic gifts for your loved ones, but don’t forget that January is a long way off. Be honest with yourself about how much money you can spend and create your budget from there. There are different ways to make your money stretch. Keep an eye out for bargains, get creative by making homemade gifts and buy some gifts in bulk.

Befriend your freezer

Cooking can be fun – and time consuming. Hack your way through the hassle by cooking batches of food in advance and freezing. For example, cook dishes like potatoes and certain veggies, and then freeze, defrost and reheat them in the oven on the day that they’re needed.

Chill out your drinks

After a hearty meal, a lukewarm drink is the stuff evil is made of! If you’ve forgotten to chill your drinks in the midst of the cooking madness, don’t stress. Wrap the bottles tightly in a damp kitchen towel, and pop them into the freezer. Heat travels more quickly through dense materials (like wet cloth), so your drinks will soon be ice-cold and ready to pour in roughly 20 minutes.

Throw tradition out the window

Some traditions like giving gifts are timeless, but others aren’t worth the effort or stress. If having the festivities at your home every year is stressful, suggest rotating houses every year, or going out for lunch. If making Christmas pudding after cooking a big lunch is too much work, serve ice-cream instead. You might feel anxious about suggesting or making changes, but you’ll benefit in the long run, by saving time and effort – and your sanity!

Drive safely

Family road trips, rushing around for last-minute gifts and late-night fast food runs… you spend a lot of time on the road during festive season so be extra mindful of being safe. Pack an emergency kit into your boot, don’t drink and drive and always wear your seat-belt. Also, remember to keep track of your petrol tank to prevent running out of petrol when you most need it.

And last, but not least: Make sure you’ve installed the Hello Doctor app, and you are signed in. This way, you’re only be one click away from a doctor’s advice, anytime, anywhere!

References:

Impress your friends with these tasty mocktail recipes

November 22nd, 2019 by Content Editor

Cool as a cucumber

Ingredients

¼ cucumber
2 tbsp raw honey
¼ cup soda water
2 tbsp fresh lime juice
3-4 large ice cubes
¼ crusted ice per serving
2 springs fresh mint (optional)

Method

Peel and remove seeds from cucumber, then chop into thin slices — setting a few slices aside for garnish at the end.
Blend lime juice, one sprig of mint, cucumber and honey in a blender until smooth.
Add crushed ice into two glasses and pour the mixture on top.
Top each glass off with soda water or cold tea.
Garnish with cucumber slices, lime wedges and mint leaves if desired

Citrus mock mimosas

½ cup fresh grapefruit juice
¼ cup fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon honey
1 (350 ml) bottle sparkling water, chilled
Long, thin strips of orange peel, grapefruit peel, and/or lime peel, curled (optional)

Method

In a 2-cup glass measure combine orange juice, grapefruit juice, lime juice and honey. Stir until honey is dissolved. Cover with plastic wrap or foil and chill mixture for at least 2 hours or up to 24 hours to blend flavours.
To serve, pour juice mixture into four champagne glasses. Add sparkling water and stir lightly to mix. If desired, garnish with citrus peel strips.

Pineapple ginger kombucha mocktail

Ingredients

2 cups pineapple juice, chilled
¼ cup organic lemon juice, chilled
2 tbsp pure maple syrup
1 organic lemon, sliced
2 cups ginger kombucha, chilled
5 sprigs fresh rosemary
1 tbsp organic cane sugar, or granulated sugar

Method

Remove the leaves from one sprig of rosemary and chop finely. Combine with sugar and transfer to a small plate or dish that is larger than the diameter of the glasses you will be using.
Rub the edge of each glass with lemon, then invert the glass into the rosemary-sugar mixture to rim the glasses.
Combine pineapple juice, lemon juice and maple syrup in a pitcher. Stir to combine, as the maple syrup will sink to the bottom. Slowly add the kombucha.
Pour over ice-filled, rosemary-rimmed glasses and garnish with lemon slices and sprigs of fresh rosemary. Serve immediately.
Kombucha tends to cut the sweetness in a drink, so you may want to adjust the amount of maple syrup to suit your taste. Different brands of kombucha will also vary in sweetness, so play around with different combinations to find the balance you like best.

References:

Learn how to make and keep friends

November 22nd, 2019 by Content Editor

These days, making friends online is easy with a “follow’ or ‘like’. But making friends in real life? Not so much…Learning how to socialise is a skill that most of us are not taught: and we’re expected to just kind-of figure it out as we go through life. It can be hard, especially when you’re in a brand new environment, like starting a new school, moving to a new town or leaving home and going to university.

Here are a few ways you can make new friends and sustain your current ones.

Show up

Ever noticed that the more you spend time with someone, the more you like them? This is called the exposure effect. Being repeatedly exposed to someone who you share common interests with means you’re more likely to like them and become friends. This means if you want to forge new relationships, you’ll have to show up, consistently. Stop by a new colleague’s desk often, visit your friends regularly or arrange meet-ups. Use social media to sustain your relationships too. Connect with your friends by texting, commenting on their posts and even better- with video and phone calls.

Set a goal

Setting a friendship goal sounds strange, but it could work. For example, if you’re going to an event or party, you could aim to make three new friends. With a target in mind, you won’t greet and move on from all the people at the gathering. Instead, you will consciously put in more of an effort to connect with others.

Join a group

One of the easiest ways to make friends is to surround yourself with like-minded people. For example, if you start an internship, you’ll relate to the other new interns and you’ll be more likely to befriend each other. The same goes for other situations, like taking a new class or moving to a new neighbourhood. Pursuing a hobby through a group is also a good option. It gives you the advantage of having something obvious in common with new acquaintances. For instance, if you love painting, joining an art group is the perfect way to make new friends.

How to be approachable

Smiling and being nice sounds superficial, but it has a large impact on how likely people are to want to befriend you. When you assign traits to people, they unconsciously assign the same traits to you. This is called spontaneous trait transference. So, if you tell someone that a mutual acquaintance is rude, then that person may unconsciously link that trait to you. The same goes if you say the person is funny or kind. Smiling plays a big factor too. Studies show that the number of times you smile during a conversation has a direct effect on how friendly you appear to others.

Strengthen your current friendships

Be a good listener

Listening to someone shows that you care about and support them. Don’t use any devices when you spend time with a loved one and give them your undivided attention.

Give them space when needed

Everyone needs space to be alone or to spend time with other people. Clinging to them could push them away.

Be the friend you’d like to have

Treat your friends the same way you’d want to be treated. Try your best to be thoughtful, kind, trustworthy and reliable.

Don’t pressure them with expectations and rules

The best relationships often develop naturally, with time. Don’t put pressure on them to spend all their spare time with you or to get comfortable quickly. Allow the friendship to grow stronger with time.

Make time

Seeing your friends often means you’ll bond more. Schedule regular hangouts that suit everyone. For example, an outing one weekend a month or coffee before or after work. Setting the next date after a get-together is a good way to ensure you’ll see each other regularly.

References:

Could you have undiagnosed Asperger’s syndrome?

October 7th, 2019 by Content Editor

Asperger’s syndrome is a developmental disorder where you struggle with communication and behavioural problems. Asperger’s falls on the autism spectrum. People diagnosed with this condition usually have high intelligence and no speech delays. However, they tend to act, speak and play differently from other people. They may also struggle to understand and process language.

Common signs of Asperger’s include:

Missing social cues. For example, during a conversation.
Craving routine and repetition.
Not making eye contact.
Not understanding abstract thinking. For example, they may struggle to see the world from another person’s view.
Obsessing over one interest.

How is Asperger’s diagnosed?

Some people don’t think it’s necessary to get a formal diagnosis because of the label, but a proper diagnosis is helpful. A diagnosis is important because it helps you (and your loved ones) better understand your condition. So, you’ll be able to manage it more easily. It also allows you to access sources of support.

Children as young as 18 months old can be diagnosed. As Asperger’s syndrome varies from person to person though, this makes diagnosis difficult. Diagnosis often includes the help of a psychiatrist or psychologist, a speech and language therapist and a doctor. Asperger’s is often diagnosed much later than autism as the symptoms are more difficult to recognise before adulthood.

There’s no blood test or medical scan that can test for Asperger’s. For children, doctors assess a child’s behaviour and development against a milestone checklist and compare it to children of the same age. For adults:

Your doctor may ask about your social life and interactions. This is to assess your social skills and how significantly they impact you.
If you’ve been diagnosed with another condition that’s related to Asperger’s (e.g. depression or hyperactivity), your doctor may refer you to a specialist as you could have been misdiagnosed.
Your doctor will rule out possible underlying issues that could explain your symptoms.

How is Asperger’s treated in adults?

There’s no cure for Asperger syndrome, however, there are treatments that can help you cope with the symptoms.

Cognitive behavioural therapy

Therapy is important for those with Asperger’s as it can help you cope with symptoms like anxiety and social isolation. It could also help you hone new social skills and make social interactions less intimidating and frustrating.

Speech therapy

A speech therapist can help you communicate better. You’ll learn how to process language better and how to control your voice when interacting with others. Your therapist, along with your behavioural therapist may also teach you how to move between topics during conversation and how to show interest when someone is talking to you.

Occupational therapy

Most people with Asperger’s can keep full-time jobs successfully. However, some may face difficulties with interactions at work. An occupational therapist can help you find solutions for any work-related issues so that you can successfully do your job.

Medication

No medication can treat Asperger’s syndrome, but there are ones to help cope with related conditions related. For example, issues like anxiety, depression and the inability to focus may crop up if you have Asperger’s. Your doctor may prescribe medication to help you cope with these issues.

References:

Do you harm or cut yourself? There’s help

May 13th, 2019 by Content Editor

It may be hard to understand if you don’t cut yourself, but self-harm and cutting is often used as a way of coping with problems. It’s an escapism; a way to release emotional pain when you don’t have an outlet to express yourself. Some may describe it as a way to turn invisible thoughts or feelings into something visible.

A temporary relief 

Although cutting yourself may provide temporary relief, it’s not the best way to deal with your problems. The relief doesn’t last. The troubles that led you to cutting yourself will remain because they have only been masked.

Ways of self-harm include:

Cutting yourself.
Inserting objects into your body.
Poisoning yourself.
Overeating or undereating.
Biting yourself.
Picking or scratching at your skin.
Burning your skin.
Hitting yourself or walls.
Overdosing.
Exercising excessively.
Pulling your hair.

Could you be seeking attention? 

One of the most common stereotypes is that self-harm is about “attention seeking”. This is not the case. Many who suffer from self-harm practices don’t talk to anyone about what they’re going through. They often try to hide this behaviour, since they feel shame about it.

Get help 

Talking to someone is often the first step to breaking the self-harm cycle. It isn’t an easy thing to do and you might find it difficult to explain why you cut yourself. You need to know that this is normal; asking for any sort of help can be difficult, but it is a critical, and important first step towards recovery.

Research suggests that developing important relationships is a key factor in recovering from self-harm. You may not be comfortable with disclosing that you cut yourself, but if you really want to heal, you need to form a close connection with someone you feel safe with. This person will have to try and give you a non-judgmental and safe space so you can express your feelings.

Prevent the next episode  

Understanding the triggers of self-harm can help you avoid those situations or manage them when they surface.

Use a journal to make a note of the situation that leads to cutting to help you identify your triggers. A trigger is a situation, event, or way of thinking that brings on the urge to cut. Every person who cuts has a different set of triggers.

Cutting triggers may include:

Work or study stress.
Arguments with family members or friends.
Feeling rejected by a partner.

Suicide prevention

Self-harm can become addictive. It may start off as an impulse or something you do to feel more in control, but soon it feels like the cutting or self-harming is controlling you. It often turns into a compulsive behaviour that seems impossible to stop.

If you know someone at immediate risk of self-harm, suicide, or hurting another person, call The South African Depression And Anxiety Group line on 0800 21 22 23.

References:

Here’s how to make friends as an introvert

May 3rd, 2019 by The Hello Doctor Team

Making friends seems easy, right? You attend an event, socialise and talk to new people. And by the end of the night, you have loads of new buddies.

If you’re an introvert though, the thought of socialising may make you cringe. And sadly, this can make it difficult for you to make friends. Generally, introverts crave deep relationships with a small circle of people and struggle to socialise. This is unlike extroverts, who thrive when they’re around large groups.

Many introverts end up lonely because they’d rather avoid social situations that make them feel stressed out. If you’re an introverted student, don’t worry. There are ways that you can make friends without attending a party.

Start with your own circle

If you find parties or other gatherings daunting, why not look at your own circle? Chances are you have some acquaintances who are worth getting to know better. Go through your phone and decide which contacts are interesting. Shoot them a text or talk to them more to decide if they’d make a good friend. When you’re brave enough, suggest something simple – like a coffee.

Find your people

If you go to a party or bar, you’re unlikely to find many introverts. But, if you go to places you enjoy, you’re more likely to find your future bestie. Choosing a place that relates to your hobby or passions is also a good idea. For example, a writing or photography class. Also, being in a place you’re comfortable in means you’ll feel more comfortable too. So, hit up your favourite space or grab a friend to make it an introvert party.

Be patient

If you’re serious about making friends, understand that it’ll take time and effort. Let go of the idea that it’s going to happen overnight. . At first, it’s going to be uncomfortable because as with all relationships, comfort and trust need to be earned. Throughout the process, remind yourself that you’ve got to start somewhere. It will be worth it in the end when you find your new bestie.

Use your superpower

Introverts are known for being excellent listeners.. Casually ask potential friends questions about themselves. Ask what they’re doing this weekend, what’s new in their life and about their hobbies. You will need to talk about yourself too, but don’t keep the spotlight on yourself. Using your listening skills will make them feel special and like they matter.

Assess how you feel

It’s important to choose your friends wisely, and even more so for introverts. How you feel with potential friends says a lot about how the friendship will do in the long-term. Ask yourself: Do you feel drained or energised after hanging out with them? Do they make you feel like hiding out at home for days after seeing them? Overall, they should make you feel good and comfortable to just be yourself.

Schedule meet-ups

Once you find someone who’s a good fit, keep the momentum going so your friendship can bloom. Ask your new friend to hang out once a week, maybe on weekends or after work. A weekly catch-up will help strengthen your bond and will fill otherwise lonely days with something to look forward to. Since there is nothing an introvert dislikes more than last-minute socialising, stick to your diary! Having a social schedule means you’ll feel more comfortable as you’ll know what to expect.

References:

How a six-second kiss can affect your relationship

May 3rd, 2019 by The Hello Doctor Team

Did you know that kissing has loads of mental and physical benefits?

Science shows that kissing triggers your brain to release feel-good chemicals by igniting the pleasure centres of the brain.

These chemicals include oxytocin, the “love hormone” which calms you; and dopamine and serotonin which make you feel joyful and encourage feelings of affection and bonding. These also lower your cortisol (stress hormone) levels that could help ease your blood pressure.

The science behind kissing

According to Dr John Gottman, the butterflies you feel in your stomach come from the epinephrine and norepinephrine hormones that increase your heartbeat and send oxygenated blood to your brain.

Researchers have found that extending the length of your kisses by a few seconds can kick your nervous systems into a connecting, safety and relaxing mode. The knock-on effect is a positive impact on your emotional and physical wellbeing.

While kissing may be good for your health it can also help strengthen your relationship. Other affectionate communication, like hugging and saying “I love you,” can impact the physiological processes related to stress management.

What’s more, swapping spit boosts your immunity by exposing you to new germs that may strengthen your immune system. Saliva also contains testosterone, a sex hormone that plays a role in sexual arousal. The longer and more passionately you kiss, the more testosterone gets released.

Rekindle the romance

The truth is, no relationship is perfect. But there are many ways you can improve your bond to ensure a quality relationship with your partner.

Ask your partner something new

Communication will always be a make-or-break factor in the success of any relationship. Ask how your partner’s day went and find out what they may have learnt for the day. Engage in the conversation.

Be appreciative

At times you may overlook what your partner does for you. You may subconsciously treat their acts of kindness as an expectation instead of effort or simple gesture from the heart. Show that you appreciate their hard work.

Know when to apologise

Sometimes being right isn’t as important as being compassionate. Choose which battles are worth fighting. Although knowing that you are right can make you feel a sense of victory, there’s maturity in apologising during an argument that isn’t as important as the person with whom you’re arguing.

Be mindful of the small things

Another way to add meaning to your conversation is to truly listen to what your significant other is saying, and make mental notes of what they express.

Let go of the past

Unfortunately, what happened in the past doesn’t always stay there. However, it can be difficult to move forward in a relationship when you’re still caught up in events from years ago. Letting go helps you move on, and brings a natural progression of your relationship.

Show some affection

Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, let your actions say how much you care! A little PDA never hurts. This helps your partner know how you really feel about them outside of your four walls. Remember: we are not what we say; we are what we do.

References:

How to get over your ex – according to science

March 19th, 2019 by The Hello Doctor Team

For most people, a break-up usually involves some degree of pain and shock. The trauma can affect you deeply and leave you with feelings of depression, anxiety, exhaustion, and even insomnia.

This whirlwind of emotions could make you feel like nothing will ever be the same again, in the worst possible way. This may be true, but consider the opposite: could this change be for the better?

Strategies for getting over your ex can range from listening to your favourite song for weeks on end, or hopping on to a dating app to perk yourself up with a rebound. While those may bring you short-term satisfaction, science offers some other solutions.

Getting over it

Researchers at the University of Missouri-St. Louis looked at three strategies people use to move on from a recent break-up. The research was based on 24 subjects, aged 20 to 37, coming out of relationships that lasted about two years. People were split into four groups that focused on different coping mechanisms plus a control group.

The first group was told to think negatively about their exes.
The second one was asked to accept what had happened and acknowledge that the love they feel for the person is a normal part of the process.
The third focused on things unrelated to their exes.
The fourth group wasn’t asked anything in particular.

Participants were given a questionnaire and the team measured their emotional attachment to their exes. Afterwards, the subjects were shown pictures of their exes while undergoing an electroencephalogram (monitoring method to record the electrical activity of the brain) reading.

The research team found that all three strategies worked to reduce their emotional response toward their exes in the short-term.

The first group felt less love, but they also ended up in a worse mood.
The second group didn’t feel any better and their love for their exes didn’t change.
The third group felt happier overall, but the approach didn’t change how in love they were with their exes.

The study shows that these are all effective ways to feel more in control of your feelings, particularly if you’re lost after a break-up. These shouldn’t be seen as long-term solutions though, as getting over a relationship can’t be done overnight.

Help at hand

Cut all social media ties
According to research, looking at a picture of an ex who recently dumped you is enough to activate areas of the brain linked with physical pain. To truly get over someone, you should go cold turkey and stop keeping tabs on them through social media.

Remind yourself of the person’s bad points
When you’re trying to move on from your ex, concentrating on their negative qualities is more effective than remembering their positive traits.

Work out!
Exercise can improve your mood and help reduce feelings of depression, thanks to mood-boosting endorphins. Don’t wallow in those feelings – go run or walk it off.

Don’t hook up with your ex
Sleeping with an ex can increase symptoms of psychological distress which will do more harm than good as it slows down your recovery process.

Go on holiday
Find your Zen. Take a journey of self-discovery (if you can get away) and find what you really want outside of the hustle and bustle. This will help clear your mind and think more logically.

Wait out the pain
The more time and space you get after a break-up, the more you heal emotionally.

References

Help for emotional abuse

January 23rd, 2019 by The Hello Doctor Team

Your significant other has never hit or shouted at you, so why do they make you feel so bad all the time?

It may be emotional abuse.

From black-and-blue bruises to cuts and grazes, physical abuse leaves behind easy-to-spot traces. But the effects of emotional abuse can be harder to identify, and knowing when its happening to you is often trickier.

Like physical abuse, emotional abuse refers to an attempt to control another person. Although there isn’t any physical harm, emotions are the abuser’s weapon of choice.

There’s a misconception that emotional abuse only involves your partner shouting or swearing at you, but this isn’t true. Emotional abuse can also refer to a situation in which your partner’s behaviour makes you feel insignificant, like when you’re unable to express yourself or when you must change your behaviour to prevent an emotional outburst or backlash.

Types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can take different forms:

Criticism

This includes any unpleasant comments like name-calling or behaviours that lower your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Guilt-tripping

From giving you the silent treatment to sulking all the time, guilt-tripping involves any behaviour that aims to manipulate you. This form of emotional abuse can escalate to behaviours like emotional outbursts and, sometimes, threats of suicide.

Economic abuse

This includes not involving you in the household finances, preventing you from working, withholding money, or constantly reminding you that you don’t contribute enough financially. The aim of this form of abuse is usually to strip away your independence or freedom of choice.

Intimidation

This might include behaviours like shouting, swearing or any other behaviour that makes you feel afraid.

Undermining

If you’ve ever felt like your opinion doesn’t count around your partner, then they may be undermining you. This can also involve them making you doubt your every move or thought.

Controlling

Have you avoided seeing your friends for months because your partner doesn’t want you to see them? Or do you need permission to do everyday things, like wearing certain clothes? Emotional abuse and control go together. So, if your significant other is keeping you on a leash, they’re trying to control you for their benefit.

Signs of emotional abuse

Over time, emotional abuse takes its toll on you. The abusive behaviour might make you experience:

Anxiety or fear.
Shame or guilt.
Confusion
Aggression (in defence of the abuse).
Self-doubt (you might question your memory).
Crying
Avoidance of eye contact.
Feeling powerless.
Feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.
Feeling helpless.
Feeling unattractive.
Feeling controlled.

What now?

If you suspect that you’re being emotionally abused, it’s time to act.

Don’t blame yourself. Emotional abuse knocks down your self-esteem. It’s easy to blame yourself for what you’re going through. Understand that you aren’t the problem. Also, understand that you can’t “fix” your partner. You can’t control their actions, but you can control your response.
Get support. Being silent simply gives the abuser more power. Speak up and get help. Talk to a close friend, family member, or counsellor. Take time away from the person and spend time with those who support and love you. This will make you feel less alone and give you an objective perspective from those who aren’t directly involved. Try to see it from the outside looking in. You may not be able to identify your partner’s abusive behaviour because you’ve become so used to it.
Establish boundaries. Once you have your support system and feel stronger, it’s time to face the abuser. Draw lines in the sand by telling them that they can’t insult, yell or be rude to you any longer. Tell them what the consequences of their actions will be. And then, act. If they insult you, walk out of the room. It’s important to stick to your boundaries. If you don’t, they won’t take you seriously.
Plan your exit. If your partner isn’t prepared to make a change, it’s time to leave. Being emotionally abused will affect your mental and physical health in the long run. Discuss your thoughts and ideas for an exit plan with someone you trust and stick to your decision. In the meantime, don’t communicate with the abuser or engage at all. It will only set you up for more heartache.

Help at hand

Emotional abuse can come from anyone close to you, not just a partner. In South Africa, there are organisations that can help you work through emotional abuse. FAMSA (the Family and Marriage Association of SA) is an organisation that provides counselling and education to help improve relationships and families. There are offices around the country.

Website: www.famsawc.org.za
Phone number: 011 975 7106/7

References:

The science behind falling in love

December 3rd, 2018 by The Hello Doctor Team

It’s a beautiful day, but instead of enjoying it, you’ve been cooped up at home for hours, staring at your phone.

You’ve been waiting for your date from the previous night to finally text you back. You can’t eat, sleep or stop thinking about the person.

What’s wrong with you? Well, you’re falling in love. And surprisingly, this has more to do with your brain than your heart.

From your brain to your heart

You may think that romantic feelings come from your heart, but it all begins with your brain. For example, when a stranger walks into a room, your brain begins to decide if you’re attracted to them.

Your five senses come into play, starting with your eyes. Signs of youth are often winners, along with long hair and clear skin – markers of fertility and health. Each person has their own standard of beauty though, which varies depending on culture and preferences.

Once your brain decides that your eyes like what they see, it will tell you to move closer to the stranger so that your other senses can get to work in helping you decide. And if all your senses agree, the process of falling in love begins.

What happens once you’re in love?

The lines blur

If you feel like your newfound love really gets you, there’s a reason why. When falling in love, a man’s testosterone level drops while a woman’s surges. This seems to make men and women relate better to each other and the feeling of “being alike” becomes more prominent.

You become obsessed

There’s a reason why you’ve been stalking your beloved online: your serotonin levels have dropped. Serotonin is also known as the happy hormone. Research by the University of Pisa revealed that when you fall in love, the amount of serotonin in your body plummets. It decreases so much that it can fall to the level of someone with obsessive-compulsive disorder. In other words, you become obsessed instead of happy.

You’re stressed out

While your serotonin levels are dropping, your cortisol levels are rising. Cortisol is the stress hormone that prepares your body for fight or flight. The high level of cortisol makes you feel alive and energised which can interfere with you getting enough sleep and even from eating enough. It also explains the sweaty palms and thundering heart rate whenever your love is near.

You begin to feel content

It’s weird to think that you could be stressed and content at the same time, but it’s possible. When your cortisol levels are sky-high, the part of your brain that’s supposed to respond and make you feel anxious shuts down. Researchers from the University College London found that when you’re in love, certain parts of your brain go “offline”. One of these areas is the amygdala which is the part of the brain that registers anxiety. This also means that if your beloved bothers you, you’re not likely to pay attention because your alarm system has been deactivated.

You lose your judgement

Bad news. The part of the brain that’s in charge of critical judgement takes a back seat when you’re smitten. This part is called the ventromedial prefrontal cortex and without it, it’s unlikely that you will hold your sweetheart accountable for anything negative they’ve done. What’s more, is that research by Leiden University in the Netherlands found that you lose cognitive function when you’re in love. This means that not only do you lack judgement, but you also lack the ability to make difficult decisions.

You become attached

Once you become intimate with your partner, your feelings become the real deal. When you have sex or are physically touched by your partner, hormones called oxytocin and vasopressin are released. These hormones enhance the feelings of attachment and create a deeper level of love between you and your partner. These are the same hormones that are released in a newborn baby and its mother to initiate feelings of attachment. In other words, when you’re in love, your brain tricks your mind into feeling attached to another human being.

References:

7 steps to a happy marriage

November 27th, 2018 by The Hello Doctor Team

So, you’ve said your vows to your loved one. Now it’s time to fulfil your promises by being the best partner you can be. A happy marriage is not an overnight success; it takes time, commitment and action to keep your relationship strong.

Make your marriage work

Clinical psychologist and marriage researcher Dr John Gottman and his colleagues studied hundreds of relationships, including both newlyweds and long-term couples. These study participants were interviewed and asked questions about their relationships. During the interviews, video recordings were made of each couple and how they interacted with their partner, while at the same time, measurements of stress (heart rate, sweat rate, blood pressure and immune function) were taken. The researchers and followed up with the couples every year to see how their relationships had fared. What the researchers hoped to achieve was to identify whether there were patterns of behaviours, or interactions, that could discriminate happy from unhappy couples.

After 4 decades of research, 7 themes were identified as being the “secrets” to a happy marriage. According to one study, Dr Gottmans method of predicting relationship longevity was around 94% accurate!

1. Enhance your love maps

According to Dr Gottman, happy couples are very familiar with their partner’s world. A love map is a richly detailed plan where a part of your brain stores all the relevant information about your partner’s life. All the finer details of their daily stresses and favourite things to do should essentially become things that you know in detail.

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration

Like in any relationship, respect for one another is a key element to happiness. Dr Gottman believes that fondness and admiration are two of the most important components in a satisfying and long-term relationship. If these elements are completely missing, the marriage can’t be saved. Try this activity: “I appreciate”. List three or more of your partner’s positive characteristics paired with an event or memory that illustrates each quality. Do this regularly to remind you both of your love and admiration for each other.

3. Turn towards each other

Real life romance is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued, important during the hustle and bustle of everyday life. The little things always matter; lavish and luxurious trips and gifts are not necessarily a measure of true love. Dr Gottman suggests that romance is sort of like running late but taking a few minutes to listen to your partner’s bad dream and saying that you’ll discuss it later, instead of being dismissive. This helps form a basis of connection and passion which in turn, grows the “emotional bank account” in the marriage.

4. Let your partner influence you

Happy couples can find a common ground and make decisions together. They consider each other’s perspective and feelings. Letting your partner influence you isn’t about having the upper hand, but rather honouring and respecting each other in the relationship.

5. Solve your solvable problems

There are two types of marital problems: conflicts that can be resolved and continuous problems that can’t. It’s important for couples to determine which are which. Solvable problems are situational, and there’s no underlying conflict

6. Overcome gridlock

According to Dr Gottman, the goal with continuous problems is for couples to move from gridlock to dialogue. The usual underlying result of gridlock is unfulfilled dreams. Gridlock is a sign that you have dreams for your life that aren’t being addressed or respected by each other. Happy couples believe in the importance of helping each other realise their dreams. This can be overcome by identifying those dreams that are causing the conflict. The next steps include talking to each other about your dreams and making peace with the problem. The aim here is to try and remove the hurt, so the problem stops being a source of pain.

7. Create shared meaning

Marriage isn’t limited to splitting household duties and chores. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together. This would be forming a culture rich with rituals, and an appreciation for your individual roles and goals. This will help you understand what it means to be a part of the unique family that you have become.

To be a happy couple make take some intention and practice, but the pay-off is worth it!

References:

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, August 1992 Vol. 63, No. 2, 221-233
https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/sex-relationships/relationships/seven-steps-to-a-happy-marriage/news-story/f8614a2c2bb5938cc2ee9f90d00b66ee
https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-research-based-principles-for-making-marriage-work/
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/dr-john-gottman-healthy-relationships/

Healthy, fun gift ideas for the whole family!

October 22nd, 2018 by The Hello Doctor Team

Christmas is around the corner, so it’s time to get shopping! You may be tempted to shower your loved ones with the latest techie toys and newest, shiniest treats out there – but those may not always be the best options for their health.

Let’s look at healthier gift alternatives.

For Mom

Do you remember how carefree you felt while colouring in as a child? It turns out that it has the same effect on adults. According to Dr Stan Rodski, an American neuropsychologist, colouring in helps to create a relaxing mindset, similar to the one that can be achieved through meditation. It allows you to refocus your attention away from your thoughts to what you’re doing in the present (colouring in).

Colouring in can lower your stress levels and leave you with a feeling of positivity. Even better, it’s a de-stressing tool you can take with you anywhere.

Get it at: Takealot for R106

For Dad

Dads are known for loving gadgets and this little number will help your dad monitor his overall health. The Fitbit 2 Black allows you to track your steps for the day and motivates you to move more. Besides the main functions, it also keeps an eye on your sleep activity, reminds you to move around during the day and tracks your exercise regime.

It comes with a companion app that syncs your data wirelessly and its swim- and waterproof. This nifty device also allows you to indulge in some healthy competition to see which family member moves more!

Get it at: Takealot for R899

For the grandparents

Getting your grandparents to move more while their bodies are slowing down can be difficult. Low-impact exercises like Tai Chi can give them a good (gentle) workout. A DVD makes a great gift. Tai chi is a non-competitive martial art that includes self-defence techniques. It combines gentle physical exercise, stretching and mindfulness to provide an effective workout to improve both body and mind. It’s safe for people of all ages.

You can make it a family activity by playing the workout DVD in a spacious area and doing it together for a healthy, fun bonding session.

Get it at: Takealot for R229

For your brother

If your bro is a gym rat who’s always crunched for time, a digital skipping rope is a great option. Skipping is one of the best forms of cardio and HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training) workouts. It’s known to burn approximately 1300 calories/hour, helps build muscle, strengthens abs and arms, burns fat and improves agility. It’s an inexpensive form of exercise and can be done almost anywhere.

A digital skipping rope makes a good choice because it automatically counts your skips and lets you know how many calories you’ve burnt.

Get it at: Takealot for R139

For your sister

Nothing brings a family closer than a fight to the death during a board game! 30 Seconds is a fast-paced general knowledge game that will keep the family entertained for years. Like Charades, the aim of the game is to guess possible answers within 30 seconds. This game is a great way to get your mental juices flowing by testing your knowledge and helping you learn as you play.

Get it at: Toys R US for R359.90