The mechanics of great sex

You’ve mastered every position and technique, so you must be amazing in the sack, right? Don’t toot your own horn too hard now, maestro. Great sex goes beyond titillating tricks and quivering orgasms.

It starts in your brain…
“The brain is the most powerful sex organ,” says sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner. There’s something to this claim, as in fact, your brain has the ability to induce an orgasm without any physical touch…

Without your brain, you wouldn’t feel pain or pleasure. Without your brain, you’d have no interest in sex at all. That common saying, “Love (or sex) is a drug…” – is true. Sex affects your brain in the same way drugs do. You may not get the same exact high through sex as you would with an illicit drug, but both “substances” bring on the release of dopamine in the brain. This is one of the chemicals that give you that exuberant feeling.

You can thank your brain for all those lovely warm fuzzy feelings that emanate from sexual pleasure. It’s your brain that sends and receives signals about your blood pressure, heart rate, and body temperature – all of which play major roles in sexual function and response.

So, it makes sense then that the way to great sex is through your brain.

And the science backs it up too; a compelling study published in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, listed some major moving parts of great sex.

Talk your way to great sex: “Extraordinary communication and heightened empathy are crucial for great sex,” says the study. This means far beyond the usual everyday chatter between you and your partner. It’s about delving into his or her mind – on all levels, and listening in return. Empathy too, is crucial. Are you sensitive and kind to your partner’s feelings and thoughts? Identifying with his vulnerabilities will attune you both to a similar frequency and connection.

Immerse yourself. Great sex demands you be completely focused and embodied. “Being ‘totally absorbed in the moment’ seems to be a crucial feature of optimal sexuality,” says the study. It requires you and your partner to be fully present in the moment. In great sex, the past doesn’t matter, the future is absent, and the outside world ceases. Only two realities are involved: “now” and “us”.

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Is this your real you? It may sound simplistic, but the value of authenticity in sexual pleasure cannot be overstated. In the study, participants spoke of the freedom that came with being honest and transparent. “Sex where you can say anything and be anything,” was one woman’s definition of great sex. “Unselfconscious”, “uninhibited” and “unrestricted” were a few other descriptors.

Go wild. Adventure is good for sex, and most couples who have been together for a long time and still enjoy sex will attest to the importance of exploration. Whether it’s taking a risk on a new position, or acting out a hidden fantasy, there’s a reason that sex therapists advise bored couples try out something new. The ability to be sexually adventurous with your partner will also include a new dimension of trust in your relationship, bringing you full circle back to one of the hallmarks of good sex: trust.

Let the good times roll!

  • Have more of it. Studies show that more sexy time leads to a stronger, respectful relationship. When couples have sex frequently, there’s more affection and intimacy shown in their daily lives. Sex also makes you feel good and loved, which can strengthen the bond between you and your significant other.
  • Don’t take a backseat as you get older. Sex gets better with age. According to a new study, women have the best sex of their lives at the age of 36 and above. As you get older, you get to know your body better. You’ll feel more confident in your skin, which can boost your enjoyment of sex.
  • Change your attitude. Feeling young at heart can improve the quality of sex and enhance relationships. Recent findings published in the Journal of Sex Research shows that a young mindset, regardless of chronological age, resulted in better sex.

Teaser: Have the best sex.